There is a reason I don’t play most computer games after a few weeks. Yeah, I’ll finish a long-running RPG game to finish it, but casual games seem to only interest me for a few days or weeks before I get this strange feeling that I’m wasting my life playing them. Right now, it’s Castle Age on Facebook; a lovely, fun game that I know doesn’t have the depth to keep me interested for years, but it is enough for a distraction while working on my paper. The more I slog through the words, the more I need little breaks of mindless implied violence.

When I’m watching TV, playing games, or even reading a book, I keep thinking I’m wasting my life just doing them instead of creating something. One reason I bring my notebook just about everywhere (even places like business lunches). It gets me anxious since I like, no I’d have to say love, making things. I like writing programs and stories, creating something for an RPG game, or even just making up a shared fiction with someone (wrote two novel length books from email “campaigns”).

But, I don’t get that when I work on college homework. I don’t feel like I’m creating anything. I’m just digesting and writing out papers, but it really doesn’t… make anything at the this level. Probably one reason I’m so anxious for it to be over. I want to make something, I want to feel the keys beneath my finger and have those age-old whining about “I can’t create anything” while writing. (I am so emo.)

I wrote a short story last week, first in a while. Took me a few days, but I got it out. I posted it on the forum that I normally post these stories and… nothing. I wondered if I somehow completely lost the ability to write, but after posted it in a few more places, I started getting comments. I love comments. Almost as much as fan art, but it reminded me of that little thrill of seeing someone else enjoy something I created.

I won’t answer the game writing verses novel question any time soon, but I know that I’m anxious to get to creating things once I finish my college classes. Like other major life decisions, I find myself counting the days.

Sadly, while clicking on the quest button in Castle Age.