I’ve convinced myself I’m a horrible writer because of the difficulties I had with publishing Wind, Bear, and Moon. Call it the self-inflicted torture that I think a lot of writers put themselves through. Fluffy called me being “emo” when it happens (i.e. most nights that I don’t have a productive writing session… you know, most nights period).

One of the things that makes it worse is positive feedback. It might be strange, but I’ll use a co-worker for example. Yesterday, at lunch, one of my peers asked to read the first chapter of Flight of the Scions (i.e. Wind, Bear, and Moon rewrite 4). After 5-10 minutes, I got a short review.

It’s good. I liked it.

While I enjoy his company, I hate that review. I also get it from family members and friends. Well, I get the reverse from some family, as they tear it apart and tell me every little thing I do wrong.

I think that is why I’m enjoying Noble Pen, the critique group, so much. They are honest about the stuff they read. I’ve seen them pick apart some of the members stuff, but they list both the good and the bad at the same time. They talk about the higher level stuff I never think about, but also the lower level grammar I struggle with. Nothing is ever completely positive or completely negative.

So, when they say they like my chapter, it feels more real than friend’s and family’s reviews. I got some really good suggestions on making it easier to read, places to clean up the sentences, and suggestions for representing the genre better, but I came out of it feeling like I learned something and I’m not quite as lousy as I make myself to be.

I’m doing chapter two for next week, which means I need to write a lot for the coming weekend. I try to finish everything by Sunday, but I also have my commission due Tuesday after that. It’s doable and it will be fun, but it also means a very exciting weekend.