Thirteen years ago last Monday, I was fumbling through my wedding vows with SMWM. I’ll fully admit it wasn’t the smoothest “I do” in the world, but I was distracted by the speech the pastor gave since it was from the movie Hackers.

One of, let’s call it quirks, of our marriage is my broad range of creative skills. It’s something that she loves, but I’ve never repeated a gift in thirteen years when it comes to our anniversary.

This year was probably one of the hardest to make. Years ago, I bought one of those “handmade” books of custom paper. It was a splurge purchase and it’s moved a couple times with us.

The day after last anniversary, I was looking at it and got an idea. I would write little “inspirational” sayings, poems, essays, and (poorly drawn) illustrations over the year to show how much I love her. It took me quite a while and somehow I was still trying to get those last twenty in Sunday night before I went to bed.

It ended up being 162 pages from end to end and 162 little ways of showing how much I love her.

It was a good year.

She loved it, but it will be hard to beat it next year.

Thirteen years ago last Monday, I was fumbling through my wedding vows with SMWM. I’ll fully admit it wasn’t the smoothest “I do” in the world, but I was distracted...

In the last two weeks, I pretty much got dumped twice. Once by the babysitter and another time by my last commissioner.

The babysitter one was actually the most frustrating one. Mainly because we’ve had three in almost three years. The first had a child, so it made sense why she stopped her home daycare. The second just flaked out but dragged it out for almost a month before SMWM finally “fired” her. This one… just stopped showing up. She didn’t answer any of SMWM’s phone calls, texts, or emails. No notice, no message, nothing. That is probably the most frustrating part of it is the completely stop.

I know that cutting off communication is easier for one person, but it is hard on the other. We spent weeks wondering what we did wrong? Did a check bounce (not likely)? Did they not like my books? My computer? The house? One of us? And, those questions will never be answered because they just… walked away.

The same thing happened to me in high school. A girl and her friends just stop talking to me. “You know why” was the only answer I got a year later. The problem is, I don’t know why. I still don’t know why over twenty years later. And, as much as I’m fairly good at letting things go, it bothers me that someone would just walk away without giving the courtesy of a reason or even to say they are going away.

The other dumping was my last commissioner. Since the economy tanked a few years ago, I lost most of the people who commissioned stories from me (well, ones that I felt comfortable writing). One was left and they gave me a new commission every 4-6 months which is nice.

I’ve been having some trouble with the last commission (not the commission, but everything going on in general), and I had to give them a second email saying I was going to be late (I hate being late). They told me that their life was changing and they probably won’t make another commission again. And to cancel the one I’ve been working on for a month.

That one hurt, but it made sense. Dropping $200-300 for a story commission is a major thing. And, with the economy, it is a luxury not a essential. I know that being late didn’t help, but it was also an excuse for them to change our relationship. It was painful, but they explained why and we talked. We ended on good terms and there was no screaming.

I don’t get upset when people need to change their relationship with me. I don’t scream or yell, but I know that other people do. The fear of rejection is a nasty one and some people stand up and explain why while others just slink away in the shadows. One reason I’m forward is because of that last one. Just walking away hurts people. It leaves them with doubt, confusion, and scrambling to recover. It does mean that occasionally, I’m rough or blunt, but I’d rather be forward and uncomfortable than hurt someone.

In the last two weeks, I pretty much got dumped twice. Once by the babysitter and another time by my last commissioner. The babysitter one was actually the most frustrating...

So, exactly a month ago, I went to my first convention as someone standing behind the table. It wasn’t for writing or games, which I always dreamed it would be, but to help SMWM with her photography business (Creatively called Moonfire Photography).

So, exactly a month ago, I went to my first convention as someone standing behind the table. It wasn’t for writing or games, which I always dreamed it would be,...

I’ve been thinking about obligations a lot recently, mainly the obligations that are currently in my life and priorities. Some of it is to deal with the feeling of being overwhelmed but also just the occasional time to sit back and figure out who I am and what I want to be.

The big obligations are pretty easy: I give about 45 hours a week to work, about 65ish to Fluffy (considering calling her SMM though) and EDM. I seem to get about 36 hours of sleep… but I’m pretty bad about that. That leaves about 22 hours a week (on average) to my life.

I have a lot of obligations for those twenty hours. Most of them are self-inflicted like my serial, writing, and programming. Right now, the serial takes about 5 hours a week to get done, though I’m pushing to put more into it so I can finish. The writing group is 3-4 hours. But, those are fun, those are exciting because I love my family, my job, and my writing.

There are other, slightly less exciting obligations like helping Sam’s Dot Publishing convert their books to Kindle, maintaining my websites and forums, fixing bugs in my programs, and generally things related to writing but somewhat tedious.

And then there is everything else. I don’t enjoy housework, but it is something that has to be done. I just spent three hours doing lawn work because SMM and EDM weren’t home (hrm, still working on the SMM alias). I went up to the cabin last weekend to spend time with day and do work and I’m going up in October to do the same.

Previously, I usually ignored what didn’t have to be done Right Now™. Now, I still don’t want to do it, but I’m trying to make sure that the house gets cleaned, lawn gets trimmed, and the cars are maintained. Things outside of my comfortable computer.

Now, I believe this is called Growing Up.

Just not sure how I got here. I still think of myself as the obnoxious 15 year old brat who thought he was the greatest programmer in the world. Even more frustrating is that I remember being 45 kg when I was 15 instead of the 145 kg I am now. Though, SMM says that 45 kg is not a healthy weight for 1.91 m tall person. I know she’s write, but I’d rather be 45 than 145, you know what I mean?

Oh yeah, an obligation I frequently ignore is my health. That is one of those painful and frustrating experiences that I have to force myself to do.

I’ve been thinking about obligations a lot recently, mainly the obligations that are currently in my life and priorities. Some of it is to deal with the feeling of being...

I’m actually not in trouble for once, but I’m still in cold water. This week, Fluffy’s cousin had her baby… only ten or so weeks early. Obviously, this was not planned in the slightest bit so I’ve been juggling schedules and using vacation time to play single parent for the week while she visits her cousin.

Today, she started driving to visit her cousin. The only minor bump was the hot water heater pilot went out the night before, and she used up the last of the hot water to give EDM a bath. I figured it wasn’t a problem: call the plumber in the morning and I’ll be in for a easy^† weekend with EDM.

The plumber couldn’t show up until 13:00 and he spent an hour before telling me that my 21+ year old hot water heater was dead. And given its age, there were no replacement parts. This was not unexpected and we had a contigency plan. I didn’t want to do the contingency plan, since we already had a lot of rather large expenses in the last month (major car repair/maintenance, annual vehicle registration, and a few other things).

An interesting problem is that hot water heaters don’t magically show up to get installed. So, I’m hoping to have it on Monday. Which means, no hot water for the weekend. As things go, it is relatively minor (except for the sting of spending money). I’m adaptable and quite proud of it. In fact, tonight’s bath water was supplied by a 10 L stock pot on the stove.

^† “Easy” is a relative term but it really isn’t that bad. Besides, I like watching EDM’s shows (Curious George, Blues Clues) and playing with his LEGOs.

I’m actually not in trouble for once, but I’m still in cold water. This week, Fluffy’s cousin had her baby… only ten or so weeks early. Obviously, this was not...