This month has been a very hard month for me. There are a couple reasons, but one of the more obvious ones is my lack of creative projects. Sand and Blood is waiting for the editor to have an opening (hopefully this month) and the first five chapters of it’s sequel, SAL, is sitting at WisCon‘s writing group submissions. Flight of the Scions is still in limbo, but I suspect I won’t get back to that until after SAL and SAD are both completed.

A week from Thursday, I’m heading up to WisCon for the weekend. This year, I decided to do some panels, but due to me not understanding the website, I didn’t get a single one I really wanted to do. Instead, I’m on three panels I’m interested in.

Build a World is an improv-style world development. It was fun to see how it turned out last time and I think I’m pretty good at creating worlds and plots on the fly, so I thought I would give it a shot.

The Glitch Memorial Panel is to talk about one of my favorite semi-social games, Glitch. It’s talking about the game in general and so I feel pretty comfortable.

The final panel, The Female Soldier in Science Fiction and Fantasy, scares me though. I haven’t really focused on stories about female soldiers but it is a topic that I’m interested in. In specific, I’m interested in the difference in portrayals of females in fantasy and science fiction in general.

I’ve been trying to do research on this panel so I don’t quite sound like an uneducated fool. This research is basically going through the novels and movies I have in my collection (plus about six more that I bought) and trying to get a general “feel” for how they are shown.

Though it is poorly written, I have thrown my initial notes up on a website SF/F Women. I’m trailing behind what I’ve read/watch verses what I’ve written up because it takes a lot of time and focus to try to analyze every female character.

There is a fear that what I’m doing is a waste of time, but I’ve found a bunch of new book series that I never read but enjoy, plus I think I have a better handle on both how military women are shown in these books and movies, plus how difficult it is to find military women in my collection. I have, um, a lot of DVDs and could only five 12 DVDs with examples.

So, that is why I’m not working on anything really creative. No stories or novels. It feels wrong and I’m getting anxious, but I really want to be able to speak for twenty minutes on any topic the other panelists and audience brings up.

Discipline is one of those things I struggle with. The biggest is how I use source control for both my programming and my writing projects. As we start to implement Git at works, some of my lazy habits at home are becoming more (painfully) obvious.

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So, one of the major goals for Sand and Blood (SAB) is to create my own font. Yeah, it is a “pie in the sky” as it were, but it is something I’m enjoying doing during my lunch breaks. However, I decided I needed something a bit more complicated than just creating the glyphs by hands. And I wrote a Unicode chart generator to help me do it.

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I got my first negative reader feedback on Sand and Blood. But, it was probably some of the best opinions I got so far. The reader in question stopped reading at a certain point and then went on to tell me why they gave up. It included the themes that were triggers for them and the aspects of the culture that bothered them the most. It was, in other words, exactly what I was looking for.

I already know SAB isn’t going to be for everyone. I don’t always write fluffy stuff and I went with a survival story closer to Lord of the Flies than Harry Potter. This was also focusing on a culture that is relatively intolerant of weakness (inspired by 300) and willing to risk death for even teenagers to determine who they really are. Yeah, they get magical powers out of it, but it isn’t… fluffy.

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With the feedback from the beta readers, I got the suggestion to change the title of Becoming a Man. I asked online, at my writing group, and a co-worker who beta reads for me. It was close between a couple of them, but it looks like I have a new title: Sand and Blood.

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On Wednesay, the first round of the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award was posted. I didn’t make it. Now, I’m sure there are a lot of reasons, but it just happened to be there and it pushed me to complete something that didn’t have a deadline. I’m glad I submitted, less than glad that I didn’t make it past the blurb.

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Last week, I finished the fifth round edits on Becoming a Man (BAM). I was pushing to finish it because I wanted to submit it to the Amazon Breakthrough Novel contest. That wasn’t the original plan for the novel, but it happened to be at the right time for BAM’s lifecycle.

This also marks the point when I think the story is as solid as I can make it. It is nicely short (70k words) but complete. To move forward, I would love to have some opinions. In effect, I’m looking for beta readers.

Now, I’ve asked some good literary friends to beta read in the future, but since I don’t want to ask more than twice, I thought I would just make a general request to see if anyone wants to read it for me.

Below is a bit about the book and why I wrote it.

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If you are regular reader of this blog, you’ll notice I haven’t been posting a lot. Not much to say, to be honest, since I’m focusing on working on the different projects I have looming over me. It got a bit complicated since I didn’t have a laptop for all of December and a large hunk of November, not to mention a death in the family and two rounds of plague.

Looking back, 2012 was not a good year for me when it comes to writing and programming. I wrote a lot, but it didn’t feel like I made much forward progress. I had only one thing published, a gratis story for a fund raiser for diabetes, and that’s it. I did post Casting Call, but I can’t say it was a resounding success. There were high points and low, but I can’t even say it was a “building” year.

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So, if you read my blog you’ll notice that I’m always working on something. I have a writing or a programming projects, websites to maintain, and people to help. I’m pretty much busy all the time. A lot of that is because I have a laptop that sits on my lap and lets me happily obsess about all those lovely projects. I don’t just watch TV or movies, I’m usually writing with them on the background so I can look up through the fun scenes and then get back to the precious words.

The last few weeks, that hasn’t been the case. Fluffy has my laptop while I’m recovering hers. I thought I was done, but this weekend I found another 100 GB worth of pictures she forgot about and so it is slowly chugging through those files, timing out on the bad sectors, and recovering about 98.73% of them. Her working set was only 52k pictures, but the current set is about 150k pictures.

Needless to say, I’m very glad that I put Backblaze on her machine, but I really wished I did it a lot sooner so I could have used it for the last 20% of the files. Sadly, the backup program caught on the bad sector and never finished backing up the original 140 GB, much less the additional 100 GB she’s put on since.

At the current estimate, I have about 2-3 more weeks of recovery to get through. But, I’ll be saving most of the files. Between my efforts (98.72%) and what files were on Backblaze, I’m getting about 99.999% of the files she created. But it takes time to do what I’m doing. Automated time, but still time.

I have done almost nothing when it comes to writing in those four weeks. I got a few hours on the weekend, but for the most part, I’m creating nothing. No writing, no programming. The Android tablet is good for a lot of things, but tablets are terrible for creating things. Great for using, but they make very poor editors and programming environments. Which is fine, since tablets are a consumer product, but I can’t create. (I also chew through the battery in five hours.)

Part of it is priorities. SMWM’s stuff takes priority over my writing. Just as EDM takes priority over both. I’m still playing with EDM pretty heavily, watching a lot more TV than I should be, and playing a lot of Eufloria.

Of course, what is looming is the end of year obligations. I have a commission (from a trusted source) due at end of month. It’s for 15k and I actually planned it out this time so hopefully it won’t exceed 20k words. There is a call for submissions I agreed to two months ago; the editor has rejected me six times now, but I keep trying. There is also a call for submissions that I missed four times running and I really want to get something in there. And, the editor wants me to get my story in there. And, of course, the serial which is still ten chapters from the end because I’ve gotten no progress on it.

But I wish I was writing.

I’m a strong believer in mixing up life. Sometimes, it is intentional like my occasional trip up to the family cabin where I have no phone, no Internet, and no television. In other times, like last weekend, it is the result of circumstances not underneath my own control.

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One of the drawbacks of being a developer is that I look at quantitative metrics instead of subjective ones. While I’m not measured against lines of code or anything as depressing as that, I know when the programs I write succeed based on the number of unit tests passed, number of change request tickets rejected, and the like.

No matter what I do, this carries over into writing also. It is easy to get get hung up on the number of words written or the length of a novel, but it is hard to feel like I’m accomplishing something without having a number to aim for.

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I like the metric system. The type of like that makes people cough in the uncomfortable silence that almost always follows a declaration like that. I, naturally, dig the hole deeper in expressing my wish that the United States moved to the metric system and it is one of the three major things I would like to see in my life. In effect, the acceptance of the metric system by my country of choice is my bucket list.

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Today was the last day of ICON 37, one of the few conventions that I’ve been going to. The other is WisCon. Conventions are complicated for me. I look forward to them since I learn so much, I get a chance to socialize, and generally meet up with friends. It is also a checkpoint on my goals for writing, so I usually come away feeling that I haven’t accomplish anything at all. Remarkably, this time, that wasn’t true. I feel pretty encouraged by what went on this year, despite missing one of the three days.

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