Today has been a relatively good and somewhat frustrating day at the same time. A bit long and wandering though, both the good, the eh, and idle thoughts.
2009-03-20
2009-03-05
Scary baby steps
Yesterday, we took one of those really scary little steps toward me moving out of this apartment and into some place I can have all my family visit: we applied for a new rental house. Not really that impressive, my lease is up April 21 (I’ve been here almost a year, wow…) and it’s about time to step up and not have Fluffy visiting every week or so.
When we first started, it was every two weeks, alternating between Iowa and Illinois. Through various factors, she is coming more often and staying a week at a time.
Which is lovely except I simply can’t get anything done. No homework, no commissions, hell even the thirty minutes for my Critters obligation is a struggle. Couldn’t even consider homework. I can’t wait until we get into the same house, where we have a nice schedule and life turns into, well, a rut. Because I like having a schedule I can commit to. When I can plan more than four weeks ahead, I can get into a RPG game or plan out my writing night since I have a novel coming up.
We don’t know if we’ll get the house yet. The landlord had multiple applicants, so its ass-kissing and buttering up that will decide who gets it.
Here’s hoping I kiss good ass.
2008-10-20
Weekend followups
Today, I earned the right to bitch about the president and congress for another four and two years respectively. In other words, I voted. With all the stuff going on with the flood, I decided to do an absentee ballot. I got it on Friday, got to see all the candidates, look them up online, and and send my ballot out this morning. Kind of cool, I’ve never tried it before but I think I like doing it this way. I was also surprised to see eight groups for the presidential list, which is six more than most people really think about and three more than I thought was on the list. I won’t say who I voted for, but I’m really glad I had a chance to add my 0.000000004% contribution (estimated, I don’t know how many registered voters there are) to the next four years.
It was an interesting weekend. Went back to Illinois to spend time with my honey, discuss our future, and spend six hours in a car entertaining myself. In this case, I got to thinking about a novel I’ve wanted to write, so I sketched out the chapter outline. It is about a retired hero of the world who’s grandchild ends up following in his tracks. Just the idea of writing about a man in his seventies who used to be the most powerful warrior in the world just seems appealing to me. Just the idea of what happened after “happily ever after” appeals to me. And it has a great ending, I think.
I came home to notice that the Lovecraft Commonplace Competition started while I was enjoying time with the wife. And I have six weeks to figure out something. Which is really cool, since I’m ignoring the contest’s basic rule (use a phrase from the commonplace book) and going with something I think will be fun. Not that the phrases won’t be awesome, the screenshots and mockups are great. I just want to write Baby Squid God. Time will tell. I also got feedback from my old gaming group (they are old because I haven’t played in six months). Good feedback on the squid I posted, ideas on how to advance, and they are starting all these fun games without me. Oh well, makes me almost wish I pushed a bit harder to do something new at the beginning of last arc. There are times when putting things up to a vote ends up not the way you expected.
Finally, Fluffy and I are switching gears on the house. Today, we are going to pull the house off the market and wait out this credit crunch. If things go well, I can juggle monies for a while I try to get things a bit more even (secret plans!). It is… painful to do, but realistically, I don’t think we are going to sell for the next four months, so why spend all that time keeping the house presentation-friendly. It also interrupts some of our (secret) plans on cleaning up the finances. Okay, not that secret, but one involved my old boss and shouldn’t be aired. It also means two of my kitties are going back to Illinois for human contact and interaction. Paks is staying with me at the apartment; I almost have her toilet trained.
No, I’m not going to work for her.
2008-10-16
Random thoughts
This week has been a nice busy one. I managed to finish the second draft of my commission on Sunday and sent it out Monday (always one more day for the OMG, did I write that? moments). Got feedback.
They loved it.
Four little change requests which I’ll get out tonight and then I’ll be “done” with that commission. I think I should also put a hold on commissions for a while, just until I’m struggling less with them. These last two were killers; I haven’t had that much trouble putting words on a page in years.
Still feeling guilty about stopping Scroll of the Lands. But, in a contrast, I’m looking at Glorious Saber and wondering if I could actually finish that up in a reasonable period of time. Trying to seek closure I guess. It also got me to thinking about another comic idea I had while driving back from kitty cuddle time (flea population is 0.1% of last week’s, so I actually wanted to cuddle). The new comic idea, if I do it, would be fun, since it would be a fictional diary for me and Fluffy’s attempt to have children. Of course, if I could actually pull it together, that’s a different story. Or if I have time.
Baby Squid God is advancing in my thoughts. I considered doing pixel artwork, but I’m hesitating. The other I’m looking at is doing it in the same style as Glorious Saber. I already have some code to use this style and I’ve also spent six months working on the skills to make it, which means less to learn when trying to write the game. So, here is my quick sketch idea of the baby squid god:
If you are curious, here is the pixel version:
I’m also trying to upgrade my artwork style a little. Mainly with the dual-layer hair (i.e. so they look different based on what direction they are looking at). And the hands. Not entirely sure what to do about it, but I might lean toward circles when they aren’t do anything but something while they are holding things. Any opinions?
And, I’m heading back to Illinois this weekend. Not accusing Fluffy or anything, but the phone system has completely died at the house and the MythTV box is misbehaving (I think it misses me). So I’m going to go for a different type of kitty cuddle, picking up paperwork, and fixing the technical things.
… and maybe spending time with Fluffy. :)
2008-10-11
Thank you, Mr. Coffman
Some years ago, back in 2003 actually, I was fired. I know the reasons of why it happened but it still tore me up for a few years. That event is also why I realized a few life’s lessons, like not taking on too many duties and asking for help sooner instead of quietly suffering. It was a hard lesson, painful actually, and it ended up me making a few bad decisions for employment in the following years.
I really beat myself up over the years about being fired. Between the need to change the Master Plan but also because I felt I let everyone down. All I could imagine was everyone hating me because of what I did. It didn’t matter that they let a lot of people go after me, or that the company was trying to save money, it was that realization that I failed them.
When I started looking for a job earlier this year, I did the predictable action and updated all my various social networking sites that I don’t really pay attention to otherwise. One of the people who responded was Stephen Coffman. He was the boss of my boss, and probably the person who made the final call to fire me five years ago.
… yeah, I screwed up that badly.
Naturally, I was surprised he even responded to me. What really floored me is that he offered to give me a recommendation for my next job. A recommendation? After years of beating myself up, thinking that everyone hated me, here was someone who realized that I screwed up with managing myself, not neolithic incompetence. And, well, actually he kind of said that too.
He gave me closure on a terrible part of my life. Not working with him, that part I loved, but the pain I went through afterwords. All those conversations in my head. I screwed up, but he didn’t have the all-consuming hatred that I thought he would.
I never took him up on the offer, but after a few conversations, I learned that he started an organization called Unlocking Brain Tumors. I told him I would donate to it, because I usually donate a good-sized chunk of my income. That is where my entertainment budget usually goes. And then, well, everything went to hell and I haven’t had a reasonable amount of money to donate to his foundation since I moved to Iowa. You know, that whole thing with the flood, living away from home, and everything else. It sounds like an empty promise, but its still on the top of my list for places to donate to.
Yesterday, I found out Steve died. Actually, he died last month, but I didn’t find out until yesterday. It was… sad, mainly because he was a man I respected and someone who, probably without realizing it, give me something I needed.
I didn’t know him very well, but I still wanted to give my thanks.
Thank you, Mr. Coffman.
2008-10-02
Planus interruptus
I am not working on Baby Squid God.
At least that is what it looks like until November 1st. Due to communications, half the people thought “for Halloween” though it meant it ended on Halloween and the other half thought took it to start on Halloween. Since there is no formal announcement by now, I’m going to say “for Halloween” means “starting on Halloween”. I’m disappointed, but there really isn’t any reason to pout about it.
So, changing gears. I’m good at that. Naturally, I really won’t work much on the game itself, I haven’t done what I wanted to in September to prepare for it, so I probably won’t take October to prepare for it. I can, on the other hand, finish up the commissions, work on Scroll of the Lands, and maybe get a bit of writing done. And finish my website migration to http://d.moonfire.us/ and do the Moonfire Portal site. Good thing I wasn’t doing NaNoWriMo, otherwise I’d be really frustrated (the same thing happened last year with a game contest and November).
One of my kitties, Paksenarrion (Paks for short), is moving in with me. Of the three, she is having the worst trouble with the in-laws basement and is tearing out large hunks of her fur. Most of her neck and shoulders are bloody from her scratching which is only getting worse as time goes on. Poor stressed kitty. After talking to my landlady, I’m allowed exactly one cat in my studio. Given that, on Friday, I get that roommate–a high maintenance, adorable little roommate who Fluffy won’t mind me sleeping with. On Saturday, I start trying to train said roommate on how to use the toilet. Maybe this time it will work. And if I can get one to use the toilet, then maybe the others will start doing the same.
2008-09-29
Productive weekend
It was actually a very productive weekend. I worked on some story critiques and cleanup stuff. I also wrote just over ten thousand words on the two commissions, so I feel like I’m actually a writer again. We’ll see if the trend continues in the next week, but it feels good to really get into a story and just… write.
One of the problems with writing on commission is that you don’t always write what you like to write. Sometimes, the requests are just slightly different than what you prefer. A good example is one person once asked me to keep the descriptions to a minimum, which is nearly impossible for me which is why I turned down the commission. But others are doable on the surface, but when I get into writing it, sometimes they just don’t click with me and I find myself struggling. One of the commissions was like that; it didn’t quite mesh with my various interests and quirks and I just couldn’t get myself into it. It was like talking to someone who just doesn’t agree with me.
2008-09-26
Cusp of locale
I love the word “cusp”. It isn’t as pretty or lovely to say as “moist”, but it stands right up there as a fun word to just use. And appropriate to describe my day.
In the process of switching banks, from the Illinois-only one to my current one, I’m at a point where I’m standing with a paper paycheck in hand and having to figure out how to get it somewhere useful. You know, like a bank account. Since I switched my direct deposit last week, the paycheck today is paper. And none of my banks are in the local state and none of them actually allow deposits in Iowa. So, either I mail it to Fluffy to deposit it in the bank that thinks deleting everything is a good way to transition their accounts, or mail it to the new bank account in yet a third state. Too bad the office two blocks from my apartment (new bank) got closed.
I ended up mailing my paycheck to the new one, but it adds a few more days to the process of getting it into the system enough to pay the two big bills in my life: mortgage and apartment rent. Both of which might be a tad late this month; this does nothing for stress levels.
Said stress levels are probably accounting for the writer’s block I’m still suffering through. I haven’t had a serious writer’s block since I started writing again in 2001 (the day after I was first fired). Yesterday’s story was fun to write, a one-off that I hope at least someone else enjoyed, but I then spent three hours writing 300 words on a commission. On the other hand, as Urban Fiction horror goes, John dies at the end is a great series. And going away at the end of the month, but very addicting to read. And, completely unrelated to my inability to focus on commissions, Rockbox is a great replacement for the firmware of my Sansa; after installing it, it actually remembers that I keep the volume at near minimum levels and that it is possible to play while being plugged in to charge.
Yeah, completely unrelated.
This weekend, I hope to get at least one of the commissions done, sign up for new classes, and maybe get a haircut. Beyond that, I just want to not stress about anything and play Zelda or something. Somehow, I doubt it will be the lazy; I’m having trouble relaxing and that is just exasperating the problem.
2008-09-24
Potential futures
I really miss Fluffy, and it is always worse watching her drive off right after her car breaks down in a Wendy’s lot. I took lunch off to spent just a few last desperate moments with her before we’ll potentially not see each other for a month or more. Gives me more appreciation for spouses that leave for a tour of duty for months at a time–it’s painful and miserable at the same time.
One of the things we are considering in the near future is just getting another apartment until our finances stabilize (i.e. sell the house). This is, remarkably, giving me a lot of stress since I’ll be juggling two apartments and a mortgage up to six months until the first lease ends. Yes, I could probably find a sublet to get out of it, but you have to plan for the worse. If we do the second apartment thing, it would let us bankroll a large down payment on a house, or at least remove that bit of juggling from our trials later one; just moving there might be the painful bit.
I don’t really see many options in our near future. We need a place that we can take care of our animals. The available pool of choices for dog and cat sitting are growing shorter with every passing day and soon we are going to be struggling even more to find someone to watch the dogs for a day much less a week. Noises from the in-laws indicate that FiL would like to see the cats gone soon, or at least what Fluffy told me. In addition, either she could find a job in Illinois, which will make it harder to move here, or we find temporary housing that puts us back under one roof and she gets a job here.
This… is stressful. As I may have mentioned, I set down roots and it looks like I might be uprooted again. Something has to change in the next 70 days when Fluffy’s unemployment runs out. Either she manages to find a job or we start cutting fat from our lives and that would be a lot easier with only one active household.
This will pass, but it doesn’t help when I’m staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night.
2008-09-08
To Done Lists
You know, somewhere around two in the morning, as I was having yet another bout of insomina, I wondered if I actually got anything usefully done this weekend. Then, I realized as the list grew, that yeah, I had a very nice and productive weekend, right up to the point the picture shattered.
Start with the easy stuff, after thinking about the entire editor/self-deprecation, I decided to join a critique group based on the advice of Anton Strout. Not completely on his advice, he just happened to be the last person to heap an idea on the pile so it got over the “enough people are saying it, so do it” line. Wandering through the Internet, and finding a complete lack of groups in my area, I found Critters. It has nice rules, seems to provide what I want (10-12 critiques every month or so) and seems to have a nice critical mass to make it function. I have to do at least one critique a week, but that shouldn’t be too hard. Did my first this weekend too, kind of fun, though I may know a bit too much about cannibalism given the length of my response on that horror story.
Related to writing, I also worked on my commissions this weekend. Struggled a bit, but still got about 2,500 words into the thing. I should be done by the end of the week. And, to my surprise, I got another commission through word of mouth. It started off a huge one, then got halved, but it is still significant monies at this point so I’m not going to turn it down.
One of the reasons I struggled was the creation of a Blank Punk wiki site. Its a general story (maybe picture site some day) for various forms of *punk, such as cyberpunk, steampunk, brickpunk, and anything else. Not really complete, but I made it to give a clearing house for the various *punk stories in the TigSource ####punk Writing Competition which I also entered into.
At the same time, I finally got my own personal site up and running, including a brand-new spanking theme created by me! This is going to (hopefully) be my professional writing and “who am I” site. Front page is a little sparse, but this page will give you an idea of where I’m going with it. It uses a CSS font (I’ll put a reference on the front page) but it won’t work until Chrome and the rest of the browsers get that functionality (probably by the end of the year for Chrome, a year or so for the others). It’s pretty, looks like an old-style typewriter (Underwood Champion if you want to install it to see what I see).
I also got to go on a banking date with my lovely, Fluffy. It was online and related to our Master Plan. Apparently, when BankA was bought out by BankB, they always planned on changing the website (which explains why they didn’t fix said site for 1.5 years). But, I got a letter from BankB that says to make the migration of my online bill paying smoother, they were just going to delete everything.
…
So, new bank: BankC. Our date was setting her up, talking on the phone and just being together while we waited for some computer to get off its ass. And wondering how in the hell you can remember your home phone number from a decade before as a viable proof of identification. I mean, seriously, ten years? How many people actually remember their phone number from ten years ago? Yes, I know everyone who responds will, but still.
Oh, and the picture. I managed to stay up a little late finishing Enchanted Arms (comments coming later on that). Okay, very late, like midnight late. Six hours is enough sleep given I slept in the entire weekend. Just as I was falling asleep, a picture fell off the wall and pretty much sent broken glass clear across my studio. The surge of adreneline woke me up, hard, and I couldn’t sleep for about four hours after that. So, I had two hours of sleep last night because of a picture.
See, it all makes sense.