GenCon Trepidations

Things are beginning to finally settle down. Still obsessing, but at least last night I got six hours of sleep instead of three that I've been suffering with the last few days. Being sick doesn't help, but I should be nice and healthy for GenCon this year.

GenCon. Wow, its amazing that its getting so close. I'm actually feeling strange about it. I've only been there three times now, which I've enjoyed very much. But, the idea of two days of travel to get there, plus I don't really have anything... writerly to do this year. I could shop around a novel that isn't finished (Flight of the Scions), but as far as I know, the only publisher I know there is Five Star Books and they already rejected it. Of course, Anton Strout is there, but except for poking him with a stick, I don't have much. I know that Melanie Nilles is also going to be there, that will be cool to meet up with someone new...even if I need to finish those last 30 pages of her novel and write about it. So many distractions and self-imposed deadlines. Naturally, the other Dylan is going to be there, but I want his books so hard. :)

Despite that, I feel... not a writer. I haven't really finished anything except MG, which isn't really publishable at GenCon for many reasons. I have a couple short stories, but nothing done. I feel like I lost two good months of writing because of the flood and my inability to adapt to a new environment; mainly because I didn't want to adapt because it would be that much harder to move back out. In hindsight, it was probably what needed to happen, but that was two months I was going to finish Flight or at least the first draft.

Looking at GenCon as a check point, I realize I've done many things in the last twelve months, but very few of them were proper writing projects and nothing to really to stand up and talk about. Those people I look up to, they did things and when I compare myself to them, I haven't gotten as far.

But I could have, or at least gotten a lot further.

And that actually makes me rather frustrated.

And sad, actually.