The last few weeks, I have stalled on both FOTS and BAM. I feel like I have failed as a writer and it has been a struggle to even considering working on either one of them. I don't know how to fix it, but I want both of them to succeed. It is also frustrating that I've been working on FOTS for so long and it isn't there.
I felt like a failure as a writer.
Yesterday, I realized I'm not. I still love writing. Even when I'm "taking a break", I'm still writing short stories and my serial. Looking at my output, that means about ten thousand words a week. Yes, they aren't commercially viable or something I can self-publish, but I have readers and they are commenting. So, I don't think I'm a failure at all. I've also submitted a number of short stories, including one to an editor who has rejected me four times but encourages me to keep sending her stuff.
FOTS suffers from time. I spent years working on it in various forms. I love the story but others struggle with it. It has that missing spark, but I only have hints of how to fix it. And I'm not sure it is fixable. However, I really don't want to trunk it. So, setting it aside is the only thing I can do, in hopes that my skill as a writer improves enough I can make it work.
The hardest part is that I only have one writing project right now. That pretty much takes my Friday, Saturday, and Sunday morning. Outside of that time, I'm so used to writing but I'm not. Mostly I've been working on my self-inflicted to list which never hits zero but is now hovering at a nice six items left.
I may succeed but it doesn't feel like it right now.
But I just can't stop writing.
And that's good.