It's been a while since I posted. That isn't too much of a surprise, blogging is sometimes difficult for me when I'm under stress. But, there are times like now when things have relaxed a little and I figured it would be good to make a post. If I'm lucky, I'll do even a few more on what is going on my writing and coding aspects.

Some years ago, I fell and smashed my knee into driveway. It was a nasty injury and took me almost a month before I could kneel again, but there was a lingering pain that continued to get worse. First slowly with a tingling in my toes and a constant pressure but steadily becoming a constant, unrelenting agony.

I managed to hold off for about eighteen months before I was struggling to stand for more than a few seconds and I couldn't really walk in the mornings beyond a hobble from room to room. When I brushed my teeth, I had to half-crouch and lean against the sink just to remain standing. Even a grocery store run knocked me out.

I went to physical therapy where they stretched and prodded to stretch the sciatica. When it ended, with the feeling that it wasn't going to get much better, I was still failing the “slump test” where I couldn't look at my toes if I was sitting down. They tried a lot of things, but they only lasted a few hours or a day at most before everything hurt again.

I walked as much as I could but I could feel the distance contracting. Near the end of last year, I wasn't able to sleep or move or really do anything. My entire right leg, from hip to toes was constantly tingling or feeling like it was ice. It also felt like I was a few seconds away from having a charlie horse in my right leg.

It was finally too much and I went to the doctor again, asking for something else. This time, she sent me to get a MRI which indicated I had slipped a disk in my lumbar region and it was digging into my spinal cord; well, that wasn't optimal but it explained the pain.

The doctor said there was a risk because of my weight and suggested I lost about twenty pounds. But, if I couldn't and would accept the risk, he could do it. Until then, he got me a Cortisone shot.

That was a “fun” experience. For three days, I got to enjoy walking around the house without pain.

Before a week was over, it was back to the way it was. Which is ironic since they kept saying “it could last for months or even years” when I honestly think there was no way it would have been any lasting pain. Instead, it was a stalling gesture or something to placate insurance.

So I tried to lose the weight.

I really did.

I tried when three steps on the elliptical caused my leg to shake and sharp pains to radiate up my leg. I tried when even walking the length of the basement was agony. The walls in the house had scuff marks from my shoulder because I couldn't walk straight.

For three months I tried and I failed.

I called the doctor back. I was willing to take the risk, but I couldn't lose any more weight.

The nurse called back. The doctor refused to do anything unless I lost the weight.

I can't really describe how much that gutted me. I was too fat to help and I was in a situation where I couldn't swim anymore, I couldn't walk, I couldn't do anything unless I was going to cripple myself. I didn't have the strength or willpower to grind through the pain and that… person just dismissed me as no longer worth the effort.

(As a side note, I got the same behavior from that office when I broke my leg in 2014. Different doctor, same “compassionate” office. Needless to say, I'm not planning on going back.)

Thankfully, things worked out. As I bitched about the doctor (to whoever looked like they wanted to know), random people in my life started talking about the same doctor: Dr Chad Abernathy. I heard about husbands, family members, or even themselves that he had helped. It wasn't 100% and sometimes they had to go back, but he did something.

I needed something.

I called. I got an appointment.

It was only a twenty minute conversation where he ensured that I wasn't too fat, he was very good at the surgery, and he could take me the next week. I even heard a medical version of “bless his heart” in the conversation.

A week later, I was walking without pain. No limping in the morning, no hobbling. I'm still limited in what I can do: no bending more than thirty degrees or lifting more than thirty pounds, but I'm not in pain anymore. My leg isn't tingling and I'm not waking up thinking I'm drowning in ice. I can get out of bed and I can stand.

I can go to the grocery store and walk around the block. It has been years since I could do that without pain. Hopefully, I'll be able to take the dog on a walk and be able to lift things again.

Throughout this, Child.0 has done an amazing job of stepping up and helping me. Even when I drop something on the floor and announce “well, that was lost forever”. Last weekend, they dragged two couches onto the sun porch to decorate it without asking for help. I'm really lucky that I have a good kid to help me.

I'm back in physical therapy, but this time, things are getting better. I don't feel like I was hitting a plateau of recovery yet, only slow and steady progress where each day is getting better. I still have another month or so before I'm reevaluated.

I also have two months before I'm going for my followup for my diabetes. Part of this inability to move has done some noticeable damage because I couldn't work out. I'm scared about this next one because of that, but I have a small reprieve so I'm going to do what I tried: get my strength back and hopefully lose some weight.