My week of critiques is finally over. All in all, I got eight of them including the one that suggested I learn how to actually write before posting something again. Even though it isn't that large of a group, it was far larger than I had before (by the way, thank you, Anton, for the suggestion). Five of the responses suggested I trim down the length of the chase sequence and six of them found little bumps of English that I need to play around with. Fair enough, they were really good suggestions. Seven of the eight wanted to know why two people in their 50's were able to do what they do, which is kind of contrary to how I write, but at that point, I probably should explain it. I like leaving it open to questions, but oh well, statistics have spoken.
Its kind of cool. Of the eight, most of them independently found the same basic three things wrong with the story. Obviously, that would be a pretty good thing to focus on.
I'll edit it and start sending it out again. I did notice that Drops of Crimson is looking for submissions (before Sunday morning). It isn't a paying market, but it might not be a bad place for this little piece. So, I think if I get it done by Sunday, I'll send it that way.
Kind of neat being a writer sometimes.