Feeling much better, actually. Still a little congested, but I'm getting back up to speed. Got another novel idea while working out, a book called The Next Train. But, unless I'm going to move up to two novels a year, its going to get shoved back on the list. Next year's book is already planned, it's going to be a raunchy fantasy romance under my other byline problem. Not sure why I'm going to write it, since it seems like I can't get published in that arena again (I got my chance apparently), but I feel the need to write it.

It's kind of weird having two "lives" when it comes to writing. I have put so much energy into the other name (TON?) that I feel like I'm cheating on myself when I don't put all of my creative energy, books and stories and programming, into it. On the other hand, "D. Moonfire", is more public and a lot more active than TON. But, I've had these two lives, basically, for the last ten years. All of my time is split between two things. In both sides, I refer to my "other life" or gloss over the details of what I do, but I do a lot.

But, it is two directions. If I focused on one over the other, I would get so much further. I have no doubt that the struggles I have with getting Wind, Bear, and Moon or Muddy Reflections is hampered by TON's shadow just as the two novels on that side are held down by the two on this one. But, I can't. I am someone of two minds. I can't consider giving up this life as I could think about giving up TON.

In a perfect world, I'd combine the two and just use them as a public alias. Then, it would just be one person writing with two names. But... I don't know if I can do that. Actually, I'm pretty sure. WBM is a children books, that is contradictory to the dark romance that I write as TON. My books here end with happy endings, on the other side, they made samurai dramas look damn right cheery (for those who don't know the ending: everyone dies!) Heh, my first book in high school, Blades, had the ultimate goal of killing every single character off by the end of the book. Even made a prequel to it, killed the main character off again. At the moment, I just can't combine these lives, so I feel like Dr. Heckle and Ms. Hyde.

I also don't like secrets. I hate them actually. I hate that I can't stand up and say "I'm these two people because they are me, both of them." I feel that doing that, by really doing that, I have to give up on WBM and writing for children just as much as I feel that I would also have to give up writing some of the romance. Also, it might hamper my chances at getting a job, you never know in this day and market.

As many people say, a penname is a "brand" and you have to build the brand. My father said the same thing: "pick a genre." Problem is, I don't. Look at WBM and MR. One is a teenage survival novel and the other is a forensics murder mystery. Case of the Morning Zombies, a semi-humorous zombie story. Last Train? A story about what happens in the background of certain types of movies. So, I don't pick a genre even with one byline, much less two. I'm not much better in that one either. :) Obviously, I'm still working on that brand thing, mainly because I just love to write. I love the words on the page, I love the scenes in my head.

And I feel bad because I wrote seven stories in the last few weeks. I have an in-character journal that I've been doing for two solid years. I have nearly a hundred short stories and three novels sitting out on another website of the Internet. They are just as much as me as the stuff I write here. But, there is this mirror between me. Two sides of the same person. Kind of like Pushing Daises but with the same person.

It's frustrating, you know?

Case of the Morning Zombies (Edit #1, 0 of 37 chapters)