I'm tired of people telling me I can't comprehend something because I didn't experience it. Apparently, this was the day to tell me all this since it happened three times in less than 12 hours.

The first was in the middle of a discussion on circumcision. Fair enough, its one of those topics most people don't end up talking about and I made my opinion up on that a long time ago. Fluffy and I have discussed it and we came up with a decision. But, when someone manages to get in a "you can't understand a covenant to God" for that discussion, it really gets annoying. Yes, I can. I can because, while I'm associated with no church, I am pretty damn religious when it comes to divine forces. But, apparently, I can't understand a covenant to a Christan god, simply because I'm not Christan.

Later that night, FiL wanted to say "I love you" to Fluffy. Then proceeded to spend 40 minutes telling me that I'm incapable of understanding what he is feeling because I don't have a daughter who chose another man. I'm incapable of understanding the love between the two. He went on to tell me that I "think" I know, but I really don't know. I'm incapable of it, until I have a daughter (not a son).

I disagree. Call it youthful arrogance of a nearly 33 year old if you want. But every time someone has told me, "you can't possibly comprehend" something, they were wrong when it happened. Even one of the most emotionally painful experiences of my life (Dante dying) was pretty close to what I expected to go through. Yeah, I wasn't expecting it to be for him, but that emotional pain is what I knew I would experience. But, someone told me that I was incapable of comprehending the loss of a loved one. And then, after Dante died, someone told me it wasn't anything compared to losing a family member and I was incapable of even understanding that.

I suspect, I doubt it.

And, number three. The Supreme Court ruling about child rapists and the death penalty. I won't go into the full depths of my reasons (I have a forum for that which I can't get to while being kicked out of my apartment for that type of discussion), but I happen to agree with them. Not for what they tell me on TV or in the newspaper, but because I read the reasons for the decision. MiL, of course, pretty much said she made her opinion and I was incapable of knowing what it felt like. Yes, I haven't been raped. I know people who are, but I'm "incapable" of knowing the pain. Fair enough, I disagree but it was annoying since everyone seems to be telling me I'm incapable of knowing these emotions.

Then, she said that children who are raped are incapable of healing. Anyone who says they are healing are actually lying. Every single one of them. Instead of recovering, they actually are haunted every single day because of those events, they just lie to everyone that they are better.

I disagree. I have to. Some people heal, its one of those things we do. Not everyone does, but there are people who manage to not let rape destroy their entire life and ruin every day of their life. I've seen it happen, but since I'm not female and I've never been raped, apparently I'm incapable of knowing this. It doesn't matter than I know people who have been devastated by it and I know people who were devastated, but then found the strength to move on. I've met people who have clung on to it, letting it dominate their life and ones who desperately don't mention it in an attempt to forget it.

I believe people can heal. It takes time, love, patience, and faith. It takes long hours and it takes knowing when to hold someone crying at night and when to move to the couch. It hurts the people around them almost as much as the event and why it is considered a war crime. It is a horrible thing and it can take years, but it can happen. Some of the wounds can heal, if you let them. The idea that someone believes there is no healing hurts me, because it basically tells someone "you will never get over this, ever" and I think that harms someone just as much.

Rape is a terrible thing. I make no distinction between children or adults, I despise rape. I'm against the death penalty (I actually changed my mind to this a few years back) in all cases, including this. And, reading the majority opinion, I happen to agree with most, but not all, of their reasons for their ruling.

However, I hate that people think I'm incapable of understanding something without experiencing it. It is possible, you know. Call it being a writer or a human with empathy. Ignore the fact I think the legal system should be without emotion, just like laws should be made with cool heads, not fired emotions. But, I am capable of understanding it. Yeah, I don't know the full impact (or won't know that I actually do) unless it happens, but I hate when people's arguments consist of "you can't understand."

I never lost a child (but I've lost other precious things). Except for the accident that left my face severely burned (1st, 2nd, and 3rd; but no scars at all), I never had a serious injury. I've still seen some of the pain Fluffy went through with her mouth (she bit an electrical cord as a child). I never lost a home, just lost access to one for three weeks and counting. I just hate that people say I can't understand loss, pain, and injuries just because I didn't experience that one.

And I hate absolutes. Everyone is different. There are people who move on and there are people who cling to it, there are the ones who are haunted and the ones who integrate it. There is no black and white, even more so in terrible things like rape.