It was the day after one of my conventions and we had just finished with my annual visit to my grandmother. For the entire trip, my wife had alternated between being down and cranky at me, but for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why. It came to a head when she asked me to go home instead of continuing our trip to the cabin as planned. It took me a little bit to realize what she was asking, but when I did, we headed straight home.

My dad was disappointed that we canceled at the last moment, but I didn't really know the reason either. All I know is that she asked therefore I will do it.

I didn't find out until we were on the road that she thought she lost the baby. It was four since we found out we were about to have our second child but we were holding off telling anyone until week eleven.

Hours in the emergency rooms confirmed what she thought: we lost the baby.

A miscarriage is a painful thing. I can describe it, but I suspect very few want the graphic details that I'm capable of writing. Let's just say that the following days were painful for both of us.

Her body was already starting to pass the fetus and we were suffering through the emotional and physical pain of losing our unborn child. Every few minutes, I found her bent over something while screaming out in pain. I'd hear the cries throughout the house. Ever time she went in the bathroom, there was a fear that there would be something that she couldn't handle. That is… horrifying to say the least. And it scars you.

I was helpless to do anything because there was nothing I could do. I couldn't comfort her, I couldn't talk to her or distract her. There was no food or movie or even a song that would ease the agony. Instead, I followed after her in case she needed something, anything. My presence was the only thing I could give her, even if it was to commiserate.

Usually, I see the world as problems to solve.

This was unsolvable.

Sand and Ash 33: Cremation

I rewrote chapter thirty-three today because I didn't get the emotional impact that I felt when I wrote it. I think this version more of the pain that we went through during our miscarriage. From my point of view, it wasn't nearly as devastating as it was for her, but I still couldn't say it was a good time in my life. Nor was it something I could just ignore.

Flight of the Scions 15: Reward Money

Chapter Fifteen is where Pahim shows his true nature. Kan├ęko responds in the way most of my female characters seem to respond: by kicking him in the nuts as hard as she can. It is effective, you know, though not for fighters who are prepared for it.

I realize that I need to find some older version of these chapters. Both this and the previous one had about four thousand words cut out of it and I think they make a stronger story. I'm pretty sure I have it, I just have to go through the repository to find them.

2016-03-16