I'm pretty risk-adverse when it comes to things. I knew I was going to propose to Fluffy better part of nine months before it happened. I even told her "I'm going to propose to you… some day." Fortunately, she is very patient with me as I got up the courage to actually say the words.

When I did, it was probably one of the most anti-climatic proposals ever though. It included these memorable words:

I think I just proposed to you, didn't I?

I'm so romantic, it hurts.

A while ago, I was chatting with
Melanie Nilles
about that. Actually, it was about the fact I write fast but I don't feel I have the quality to get published. She, on the other, has done a wonderful job of producing a number of books a year and I enjoy reading them.

I've proven nothing, except that I'm willing to take risks.

I'm sitting on three completed novels and two short stories.

In every case, I'm not moving forward because of fear, because I have something that I feel is stopping me. For FOTS, it is editing and the dreaded "I would have given up reading this" that I got from a number of people. For the other two, it is trying to save up to get an editor (or write Author Intrusion). In addition, BAM is four chapters from the end, PM is twelve to completion.

I love typesetting books, I love making ebooks. I'm good at those things. I could have at least three of those in ebook form by the end of the week, but I don't. Call it risk, call it fear.

In one case, FOTS, it's about perfection. I put too much of my ego into the story and I'm afraid of failing. For the others, I just don't want to put out something that isn't the best I can write. (Though, I'm submitting it next week to Harper Voyager once I tweak chapters 0-5.)

BAM is my attempt to get over this mental hurdle. I don't want to be afraid to create it, or to submit it. It is going to be an ebook from the beginning and I'm not worrying about a gatekeeper. I'm creating the best story I can, keep it short enough I can afford an editor, and then produce it. I'm not going to think about it too much and I'm not going to fret over the submit button.

2012-10-05