Content Warning for Suicide and Murder

For the twenty-third day of National Poetry Month, I have a poem about the horrors of growing up. I've written before about my suicide attempt when I was seventeen. It was a rough time, one where the feeling of being alone and constantly mocked reached a peak. This is a poem that brings some of that back, so it might not be for everyone.

One thing that was thankful was that I've pretty much always been a pacifist. The idea of even hurting someone sickened me, despite the fact that one specific had tried to run me over with his car because I was involved with his suspension (he slammed my head into a locker hard enough to cause me to bleed).

High school was really hard on me.

However, what if I wasn't that way?

Kill Them All

Endlessly mocking students
Watching all my movements.
Some know that I manifested
And let me know I'm detested.
Down the street and across the way
I wish they would just go away.
The hate is building inside me
And I don't know of my empathy.
I want to kill them every day
And see the bodies I slay.
My magic is already flowing
And my hands are glowing.
I want to kill them all
My fantasies are gore and vitriol.
I shouldn't and I can't.
I have to show restraint.
My dreams are violent
But my magic is silent.
2019-04-23